Have a Very Merry Christmas
by Bura-sama
Summary: Taichi and Hikari try to cope with Takeru's death. Tragedy strikes again. (Somewhat sequel to my Takeru deathfic, but can stand alone.) Warnings: DEATH


6350  
Bura-sama  
Thursday, November 21, 2002  
Tuesday, December 24, 2002

Disclaimer: _Digimon_ not mine. _Digimon_ just fun. Me not intend to infringe.

Warnings: Death, bad sequel intent, fire, angst, lack of holiday spirit, implied depression, funeral services, and a bag of chips.

Notes: "Are you going to make a sequel to 'Winter's Sorrow'? You could have Taichi electrocuted by the Christmas tree, and have it out in time for the holidays..."  
It might help to read "Winter's Sorrow," in which Takeru dies, but this fic can stand alone.  
There is **no romance** in this fic. None!  
This is for my sister, Sara.

Have a Very Merry Christmas

Yagami Hikari, age fifteen, dropped to her knees on the frosted ground and just sat there for a moment. It was always cold this time of year, and today was no exception. The grass -- a vibrant green just weeks before -- was coated in a thin layer of ice, evidence of the night's chilling temperatures. She brought her arms closer to her body and started shivering. Her pink wool scarf and thick, insulated coat just weren't enough to keep out the biting cold, and Hikari was almost grateful.

It felt wrong to be warm and safe in her clothes -- in her room -- while her best friend was lying six feet in the ground, as cold as the earth and unable to feel anything.

She finally moved from her kneeling position and leaned forward to touch the smooth, gray, frost-covered tombstone. She gently placed her hand on the top, and slid it down to the side. It had really been too long since she had brought flowers. She glanced down to the empty holder that was stubbornly protruding from the ground, and closed her eyes. It had been a while since anyone had brought him flowers. She touched her hand to the front of the stone, but immediately jerked it back. She numbly jerked off her soft yellow gloves and brought an already-chilling finger to the surface. She let her fingers slide on the stone, almost enjoying the cold sensation, until they reached the engraved portion.

She traced each stroke, softly whispering aloud as her finger touched each part, "Taka... ishi. Ta... ke... ru..." She let her finger linger on the 'Ishi", and felt an unbridled sadness sweep through her. _Poor Yamato. This has been so hard on him._

She moved her hand away and used her still warm fingers to pull the glove onto her pale digits. She shook her head slightly and inched forward until she was pushed against the tombstone. "I miss you, Takeru." She let out a sigh, her warm breath forming a frozen cloud as she breathed. She huddled deeper into her coat and pulled her knees to her chin. "I can't believe that you're gone. I know, I know. I shouldn't be so..." She shrugged to herself at her inability to find a suiting word.

"... So melancholy?"

She jerked with surprise and turned to see her older brother standing to her right. "Taichi... I thought you were going to wait in the car."

The eighteen-year-old just gave a slight smile, more worried than amused. "I got worried when you didn't come back."

"It's only been..." She tried tugging her glove down to see the face of her watch, but couldn't seem to move it.

"Almost two hours, Hikari."

Hikari looked on in disbelief, "Two hours?"

Taichi nodded solemnly. "Mom called on your cell phone, she wants us to come home."

Hikari unsteadily rose to her feet and used the same cool, gray stone for support. She looked down to the grave, then turned to see Taichi staring at it as well.

"I can't believe it's almost two years."

Hikari, unable to get warm despite the heat her jacket was holding close, discreetly wiped a tear away from her eyes. "Yeah, this time years ago, and we were all together, planning that big Christmas party."

Taichi pulled his sister close and held her as she started sobbing. "It's okay, Hikari. It's okay..."

She sniffled and didn't even try to stop the tears, "It's not okay, Taichi! I miss him so much, and he's never coming back." 

"I know, sis. I miss him, too. We all do." He pulled his own scarf off and dabbed gently at the tears staining his little sister's face. "Come on, Hikari. You don't want to get sick."

She let him lead her back to his car -- the beat-up, banged-up, peeling-paint blue ex-sports car that he had bought once he had saved enough money. They passes too many graves to count, and Hikari's eyes were inexplicably drawn to the dates inscribed on each one. She added the years mentally, and it saddened her even more to realize that Takeru wasn't the youngest person buried here.

Taichi walked around his car and opened the passenger's door. He helped Hikari in and buckled her seatbelt. Then, as she just sat there unmoving, he went to the driver's seat and buckled himself in. He turned the key that he had foolishly left in the ignition, and listened as the engine strained and groaned until it eventually rumbled to life. He reached to the side of the door and hooked his fingers around the manual window control. He rolled the window all the way down. He turned to his sister, "Crack your window a bit, Hikari. Mine should do it, but the carbon monoxide's been pretty bad lately."

Hikari did as obliged and settled back into her seat. She tugged her gloves off of her fingers and held them in front of the weak output heater. Gradually, they started to warm. Taichi pulled out of the parking space and slowly crept the car forward until he reached the cemetery gates, then, he pushed the accelerator and the little car raced down the road. Hikari, meanwhile, was staring from the window, watching as the buildings blurred and streaked in her vision. It was getting dark, and most lights were already on in the buildings. Taichi started weaving past other vehicles, a sure sign that he was agitated. For both of their safeties, she forced herself to talk, "Are you going to see Yamato next Sunday?"

Taichi pushed the brake pedal and the car slowed to a more reasonable speed. He grew even more silent, his eyes focused away from the road. He bit his lip, a sure sign that he was thinking about something unpleasant.

"...Taichi?"

Taichi's eyes once again returned to the road, and he passed a van hauling three young children and a man, presumably their father. He shuddered slightly and moved the car into the fastest lane. He still didn't answer her.

Hikari stared at her brother and lightly touched his shoulder, "Jyou and Mimi told me about Yamato... last year..."

Taichi angrily turned to face his sister and swatted her hand away. "He wasn't trying to kill himself!"

Hikari's eyes grew wide as headlights flashed against her face, "Taichi! Car!"

Taichi swerved the car away and maneuvered it so that they were heading for the nearest exit. There was complete silence as the car squealed and moved down the road more quickly than was wise. It was really dark by now, and the only light sources were the orange lights that regularly passed overhead and the soft green glow from the radio. She hesitantly leaned forward to turn the power switch, and joyful Christmas music poured from the only operational speaker in the car. This was the radio station that was playing international holiday music until December 26. The current song was in French, and Hikari couldn't understand a word of it. Without thinking, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "I'll bet Takeru would know exactly what was in this song--" She realized what she was saying, and immediately stopped talking.

Taichi had a dark look on his face as he slammed his hand against the radio, permanently breaking the power switch, "Cut this crap off!"

Hikari sat, motionless, and turned her eyes to see outside the car once again.

Taichi spoke again, this time much more gently, "I'm sorry, Hikari." His voice suspiciously sounded like it was about to crack. "When Takeru and I were in France... it was Christmas and..."

Hikari's voice was softer than she would have liked, "It's okay, Taichi. It's hard for all of us, and I shouldn't have been so selfish to think that I'm the only person hurting."

"We all loved him."

Hikari found herself smiling. "Yeah, we all loved him." The next words slipped out before she could stop them, "Of course, Yamato loved him the most."

Taichi grew quiet again, but wasn't angry. "He didn't try to kill himself."

Hikari felt the sadness pushing on her, and just wanted to change the subject, "I never--"

"We didn't want anyone to know, when he called me that day -- exactly one year after -- and he was begging me to help him. We didn't want anyone to know; we knew what they would think." Hikari glanced at her brother when she noticed that his voice was trembling. "He called me and told me that he was so cold. He asked me to throw him into the fire so that he might be warm again." Taichi pulled off of the main road and into an empty parking lot illuminated only by a solitary white bulb at the other side. He turned the ignition, and the car rumbled to a wheezing silence.

Hikari put her hand on her brother's shoulder, but he didn't react.

Taichi folded his hands on the steering wheel and pressed his forehead against it. "I didn't know what he meant, but I was worried about him because of what had happened to Takeru a year ago then." He took a deep breath and sighed, his breath clouding in the cold air. "I went to his apartment, but he wasn't home. His father wasn't, either. I called his mom, but she didn't answer. The only place I thought he could possibly be..."

"The fishpond in the park." Hikari hadn't set foot in that park since her best friend had met a tragic fate in its icy waters two years prior.

Taichi nodded, "I went there, and found him. He was curled up on the park bench, a deathly shade of mottled blue and purple, and clutching the scarf, from... you know..." He waited until Hikari nodded, and then continued. "I dragged him back to my car and blew out my heating system trying to get him warm. He said that he was hurting, and he didn't hurt when Takeru was around. He told me that Takeru loved it there, and that he loved to be in the snow. Yamato told me he could _feel_ Takeru so much better out there, and it didn't hurt." Taichi's voice was definitely cracking, and Hikari unbuckled her seatbelt.

"He..."

Hikari pushed her seatbelt aside and hugged her brother tightly. He cried into her shoulder, his whole body aching with grief for his friend and for himself.

****

Ishida Yamato, age eighteen, pulled the thick flannel blankets over his head and tried not to breath. He wasn't having much luck, and the blankets were ripped away from him. He squeezed his eyes firmly shut, and pulled the pillow over his head. Once again, his pathetic attempt to suffocate was in vain. Kicking the mess of sheets away from his legs, Yamato pushed himself upwards and looked around. 

The room was empty, and the door was tightly shut. 

Yamato shuddered and looked around. He glanced at his calendar, and read the date. Three weeks till it had been all his fault two years ago. 

He stumbled to the far wall where his blankets had been thrown, and took small steps back to his bed, where he unceremoniously collapsed onto the mattress. He pulled the blankets to his chin and closed his eyes. He whispered, almost silently, "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." 

Somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind, Yamato thought he heard Takeru laugh. 

**** 

Mrs. Yagami poured a glass of apple cider and then sat down at the kitchen counter. Her husband was working, as usual, and her children were setting up a small Christmas tree for the holidays. It was nothing much, just a small, artificial tree and several glass ornaments. It'd been a tradition since the kids were small and they'd only missed one year, when their friend Takeru had drowned in pond after ice skating by himself. It had been an awful experience for her children and their friends, and she wished every day that nothing like that ever happened to them, ever again. With a sad smile, she turned to see Hikari dangerously leaning on the tree to reach an ornament on the top. She was about to warn her daughter when Taichi interrupted her. 

"Hikari, stop it!" He pulled her back and pried the decoration from her hands. "You're going to get hurt." He mockingly glared at his sister and almost effortlessly attached the little glass angel ornament to the highest branch. 

Mrs. Yagami smiled; they were always looking out for each other. 

She brought the cup of apple cider to her lips and slowly began drinking it as she watched her children scramble around the tree in an attempt to get the most ornaments on before they ran out of room. She looked at the ones facing her: a small teddy bear with a green and red ribbon around its neck; a shining red glass ball that was perilously hanging from a tiny limb; several strands of metallic garland; strands of blinking, colorful lights; and the little angel ornament that they had worked together to put near the top. 

For a reason that she would never be able to explain, Mrs. Yagami felt the angel decoration watching her. 

**** 

Motomiya Daisuke smiled sadly as he watched Hikari leave her apartment building with her mother. She had _that_ look on her face, which meant that she was thinking about Takeru. It wasn't that he blamed her -- Takeru was on everyone's mind this time of year. It hit Hikari and Yamato the worst out of all of them. Yamato had been his brother, his protector, and was supposed to have been there when Takeru had died. He blamed himself for the death of his little brother, although no one else truly did. Daisuke knew that he couldn't have blamed him. He had seen Yamato in the weeks after Takeru's death, and anyone who had would never be able to say that Takeru's death had been his fault. 

Hikari... Hikari was a different matter entirely. She had been half in love with Takeru, or so Daisuke had finally realized after the boy's funeral. He knew that they were friends -- they were all friends -- but none of them would ever know if Takeru had returned the feelings. Hikari would never know, and she lived with that pain every day. 

She was going shopping with her mother, more likely to get out of the apartment than to actually buy things. Daisuke didn't have a problem with it, was actually glad that Hikari could be so easily distracted from what was happening around her. Especially Taichi. The poor girl didn't have a clue what was going on with her brother. But Daisuke did, and he wanted to help. 

He walked into the building and rode the elevator to the right floor. He slowly walked down the hall, and finally stopped in front of the right door. He pushed the doorbell quickly and let his hands fall to his sides. There was a slight thump from behind the door, and then it was opened to reveal Taichi -- green windbreaker, blue shorts, and all. He moved aside and Daisuke walked in. 

He immediately spotted the tree and stared. "Wow! It looks great, Taichi!" 

Taichi shrugged off the compliment, and sat down on the couch. "Why are you here, Daisuke?" 

_I may be dense sometimes, but I can tell when my friends are hurting. Is there anything at all I can do to help?_ Daisuke shrugged uncertainly, losing his nerve, "Is Hikari home?" 

Taichi shook his head, "No, you just missed her. She should be back in a few hours, if you want to call her then." There was something weird about Taichi today, but Daisuke just ignored it. 

He backed up clumsily and left the apartment, sending a careless wave over his shoulder as he headed for the elevator. 

**** 

Hikari sat next to the Christmas tree with a steaming cup of hot chocolate. She took a deep breath and folded her legs so that she was sitting on them, an effort to get warm that was in vain. She looked down to her pink flannel pajamas, and thick wool socks on her feet. Despite them, she was freezing. She tugged at her shirt collar, trying to cover her neck, and rubbed her arms to generate heat. Her father was at work, her mother was shopping from groceries, and Taichi was out rounding up everyone for a nice bit of group counseling. 

It was long overdue, but after Takeru had died two years ago, she had wanted for all the kids to site down and talk about how they felt. It saddened her greatly to realize that they hadn't all been together since Takeru's death. 

She never thought that they would agree to it, especially Yamato, but she'd called them all, and they'd agreed to talk. They all needed to talk. 

The door bell chimed, and Hikari pushed herself to her feet to answer it. She opened the door and Ichijouji Ken walked inside. She spotted Inoue Miyako stepping off the elevator with Hida Iori, and left the door open. They stepped inside, too, and they all just stood there, not talking. Hikari started to shut the door, but it stopped and Taichi pushed it open. Behind him was Yamato. 

He looked so torn and nervous that Hikari almost started crying right then. Taichi stepped aside and motioned for Yamato to sit down on the sofa. He crossed his arms in front of him and refused to meet anyone's eyes. 

Hikari opened the door, and a few more of their friends streamed in. She looked around the room, mentally counting each one. _Me, Taichi, Yamato, Ken, Miyako, Iori, Koushirou, Mimi and Jyou, Sora, and Daisuke. We're all here._ It felt empty to her, to only be able to count eleven of them. 

Silently, a tear slipped down her cheek. 

They sat in silence. Yamato sat on the sofa with Taichi and Hikari. The others were spread out in a loose circle on the floor. 

Ken looked down to the floor in front of him, "I remember the first Christmas I had with my family after Osamu died." He shook his head slightly, "Before... it had always been pretty happy. Then, my brother was gone and it was never the same. As the years went on, it felt normal again." He shuddered slightly, "Now, it feels like my brother has just died again." 

More silence. 

"Takeru was always so happy." Miyako's words were softly spoken. "I never realized how much he helped hold us together." 

"Takeru... if no other person in the whole world could make you feel needed, it was Takeru." Taichi hesitated to speak. He didn't want to bring it up. "Maybe it's selfish, to have my best memories of Takeru the ones where he's making me feel important." 

"It was just his gift to you, Taichi." Hikari smiled slightly. "Takeru gave us all something." 

"He can't give anymore, and I miss him so much." 

Yamato looked to Ken. He hadn't expected the younger boy to be so emotional. Guilt flashed briefly in his eyes. "Yeah, and it's my fault he's not here." 

Mimi bit her lip, but spoke anyway -- against her better judgment. "Yamato." 

Yamato's eyes narrowed and he glared at her, "Don't tell me that it's not my fault, because it is! I should have been there for him when he needed me, like I said I would!" 

Hikari spoke up, "And just what exactly could you have done, had you been there?" 

Yamato looked away. 

Not adverting his solid gaze on the floor, Jyou spoke up, "If you had been there, you would have died as well." 

Yamato opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted. 

Iori's eyes were tearing, "Even if Takeru did blame you for not being there -- which he doesn't, didn't -- he wouldn't want you hurting like this." He wiped the tears away from his eyes. "He wouldn't have wanted you there, if you would have had to die." 

Yamato said nothing. Tears fell silently from his eyes. 

Sora, who was leaning against the sofa, pressed her hands against her chest, right where her heart was. "It still hurts so badly. Everyday... I still wish he was here with us." 

Ken stood suddenly and tried to stop shaking, "I can't do this." He turned to the door, "I thought I could, but I can't." He took a step forward. "I need to go." 

Hikari almost jumped off of the sofa and chased after Ken. "I don't want you to be by yourself, Ken. I'll walk you to the train station." 

They left the apartment, and silence ensued. Sora and Iori, as well as Mimi and Jyou, stood to leave. They silently left. Koushirou, Miyako, and Daisuke left, as well. Taichi and Yamato sat on the sofa, staring at the blank television. 

Not looking at his friend, Taichi asked in a slightly trembling voice, "Are you going to be all right?" 

Yamato didn't answer him, just sat there with the tears still falling. He felt the cold racing over his skin, the unexplainable chill that was seeping into his bones. Taichi was worried, obviously, and Yamato knew that he had every right to be. 

"Yamato?" 

Yamato stood quickly and stood silently for a moment. "I need to go home," he said with a slight tremor in his voice. Taichi stood as well, and both boys could easily ignore the other's presence. 

Taichi didn't want Yamato to be alone. He was worried for his friend, afraid that something might happen, like it did the year before. He glanced around the room, determined to find some excuse to keep an eye on Yamato. He spotted the television, and his eyes lit up. "Do you want to watch a movie, or some television?" He kept his voice carefully neutral, willing Yamato to agree. 

Yamato turned slightly to look at Taichi and opened his mouth to say "sure." His eyes locked on the Christmas tree behind them, and he shut his mouth. It was such a lovely tree, with bright lights, shining ornaments, and carefully strung tinsel. It spoke heavily of how much time and care Hikari and Taichi had put into making it perfect. Near the top of the tree, a small blond angel figurine stared down at him. It was glaring, with an icy stare that condemned him to the deepest pits of Hell. 

Yamato shook his head, "I need to get home. Dad doesn't like to be alone either, this time of year." 

Taichi just nodded, and smiled slightly, "Take care, Yamato. Call if you need anything." 

Yamato nodded, opened the door, and quietly shut it behind him. Taichi locked it for safety and almost threw himself onto the sofa. He reached for the remote control and turned the power on. The screen blinked for a moment, and then the monotone voice flooded into the room, describing the great qualities of a new microwave cooker. Taichi rolled his eyes and turned the channel. 

Quickly surfing through the rest of the stations, he turned the television off and continued to lie on the sofa. The Christmas tree lights blinked rapidly before steadying. Feeling suddenly hungry from all of the cooking shows and food infomercials, Taichi rolled off of the sofa and walked to the kitchen. He glanced at the digital clock, blinking on the microwave display. It would be hours until his parents returned. Hikari could be back at any time, but she had a key, and he wasn't worried about her. Hikari always found a way to take care of herself. 

He pulled a bowl of rice from the refrigerator and popped it into the microwave. Guessing at the appropriate time, he set the timer and wandered around the cabinets before finding his chopsticks and a bowl. The microwave began heating, and the numbers counted down until only a few minutes remained. 

The lights on the Christmas tree blinked rapidly again. 

Taichi removed the bowl and allowed it to cool next to the sink. He wandered into the bathroom and washed his hands. He came back into the kitchen and picked up the bowl. It was still scorching hot, but Taichi ate it anyway. He liked his rice slightly warm, but didn't have the patience to let it cool. He downed it quickly, grimacing as it burned his throat, and reached for a glass of ice water. He hummed to himself as he took the bowl to the sink and briefly rinsed it. His mother wouldn't be mad if she thought that he actually put forth a cleaning effort. 

Taichi turned off all of the lights, and slowly walked to his room, he pulled a CD from his drawer and put it into the small stereo on his desk. Within seconds, bright Christmas music flooded into the room. Moving to his bed, Taichi changed into his pajamas and pulled the blankets over his head. 

The music was nice, he supposed, although he couldn't understand a word of it. It was the CD that Mimi had brought him from America as a gift several years ago. Mimi had been so happy when she had returned to live in Japan permanently. She'd bought little trinkets for everyone. Taichi remembered... Mimi had given Takeru a CD of his favorite band, and he'd been so thrilled. No one ever listened to that bad anymore. After Takeru died, no one had the heart to do it. 

Takeru had always been such a smiling ray of sunshine, even when he had been sad. He was kind to everyone and always stood by his friends. And those same friends were still hurting, almost two years after he left them. _He_ was still hurting after Takeru had been gone for so long. He put on a brave face for his sister, who had never really recovered from his death, but she still knew. They all knew. 

Deciding not to think anymore of it that night, Taichi closed his eyes and willed himself to fall asleep. 

**** 

The smell of cinders was what broke him from his sleep. It was a strong smell and burned his nose. Taichi groggily opened his eyes, and tried to place his surroundings in the blackness of the room. It was odd, he remembered leaving the light on. At first, he thought he might be at Yamato's, and his father would be smoking heavily. Yamato had commented that Mr. Ishida had burned through more packs of cigarettes following Takeru's death than all of the previous years combined. 

Taichi sat up and immediately knew that he wasn't at Yamato's. 

The smell of smoke was too overpowering to be a simple cigarette, and "Joy to the World" was blasting through the speakers. Taichi pushed the blankets away from his bed and sat on the edge of the bed. Lazy gray clouds drifted upwards from the crack under his door, and he could hear a snapping sound from somewhere. Panic registered and Taichi's eyes grew wide. 

_Fire!_

Pushing the panic into action, Taichi leapt forward and raced towards the door. He almost tripped on the blankets, but managed to push them away and reach the door. Without thinking, Taichi grabbed the door knob and twisted it viciously. He immediately recoiled as the hot metal burned his hand. He shook it into the air, trying to soothe the burn. He fisted his other hand and pounded it against the door, trying to force it open. He could feel the heat seeping into the wood. The smoke seemed to have increased -- doubled its amount. Panic returned with full force. 

_Fire!_

He tried beating against the door again, but stopped as the smoke billowed into his face. He coughed hoarsely, and stepped away from the smoke. 

_Fire!_

Taichi ran for the blankets he had thrown from his bed and stuffed them against the door. The smoke temporarily stopped. He then ran to the window and tried to open it. His right hand was too badly burned, and his left couldn't turn the latches as the smoke burned his throat and his eyes. He fell to the ground and tried to use the sheets from his bed to block the smoke. It didn't work. 

He crawled to the door, desperate to open it. He leaned against it and felt the burning heat from the other side. Taichi slowly raised his hand to strike the door, but collapsed halfway. His face pressed against the wood, and Taichi tried to move it away, but just kept coughing. _It's warm... too warm..._

Taichi closed his eyes to keep the smoke away, and coughed futilely. It was still burning his nose, his mouth and throat, and even deep in his lungs. He wanted to get out, to call for help. But he couldn't, and deep inside he knew that he was going to die alone, just like Takeru had died alone. 

His stereo continued to play. The soothing voices singing "Silent Night" vaguely comforted him as he felt the blackness close in on his mind. 

**** 

Hikari took each step home with special slowness, each step filled with thought. Ken had broken down on the way to the station, crying out that Takeru was just like Osamu. It was upsetting, and Hikari felt a sadness close over her that she hadn't felt since Takeru's funeral. Ken had cried onto her shoulder, and Hikari hurt from his hurt. But he had still left when they reached the station, and had assured her repeatedly that she would be all right. 

She'd talk to Taichi about it when she arrived home. Despite common belief, he was good at comforting people. 

She was almost home when she smelled the crisp scent of something burning. It was a big city, a big neighborhood. Something was always burning. Car exhaust was bad, too, and there seemed to be more traffic than usual on the streets. She sniffled and covered her nose with her pink scarf. 

Hikari's mind first registered that something was wrong when she turned the corner to go home. The smoke tainted the area with ashes, and she noticed for the first time that the smoke was drifting from _her_ apartment building. From _ her_ home. She felt the dread and anxiety mix in her stomach, and bile rose to the back of her throat. She started running. _Taichi was home. Mom and Dad should be home now. Taichi is home. Mom and Dad are home. Taichi is home, Mom and Dad are home. Taichi, Mom, and Dad are home. _

The first thing she noticed was her mother, shaking with tremors. Her mother was being held by her father, who was just standing there with a dismal expression. 

Hikari wanted to cry and vomit at the same time. 

She walked to them, willing herself not to look at the burning building. She choked on her words, but managed to say them, "Mom... Dad?" 

They looked at her with shock, then ran to embrace her. Her mother held her tight and started crying. "You're safe. You're safe. You're safe." She was chanting it quietly, and Hikari just stood as her mother hugged her and cried onto her hair. 

Her father held her close as well, "We thought you were still in there." 

Hikari started shaking, "I walked Ken to the train station. I just now got back." She turned a ghostly white and felt the blood in her body turn cold. She jerked out of her parents' grasp and started moving toward the building. "Taichi!" 

Her mother pulled her back, and she held her so tightly that it hurt as she started sobbing hysterically. 

Hikari's father gently placed her hands on her shoulders and turned her toward the stretcher covered with a white sheet. The paramedics were loading the dead body into an ambulance, and Hikari started shaking violently. 

She took a step away from the ambulance, but her eyes remained locked on the flashing lights. She was cold, cold all over. The words bubbled at her lips and spewed forth in a hysterical chain of "no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." She broke her gaze with the flashing lights and looked upward, past the gray smoke and into the barely visible starry sky. Her voice broke, "NO!!" 

**** 

The greens and the grays smeared into dull lines as Hikari stared out of the spotlessly clear window. There was no dirt, no dust, nothing but sparkling clean glass. She felt as though she could reach right through it and touch the passing trees. She tugged her black leather gloves away from her hands and touched the top of the window. She pushed bluntly against the glass and moved her finger downward. A slight trail of oil and lotion residue followed her finger. She tugged her glove on again and sat quietly. 

Jyou Kido glanced at the smudged window, but said nothing. 

She knew that she shouldn't have messed with his windows, but it just felt so fake, so invisible... Hikari turned to the panel in front of her and turned the heat dial to the right. A fresh wave of warmth spread from the vents, and Hikari smiled sadly. She then turned the other dial to the "off" position, and moved her focus back to the window. Her finger unconsciously came to rest on the power button to the automatic windows. 

Hikari took a deep breath. The car smelled like Jyou, all smart and responsible. There was nothing out of place, nothing dirty in the least. Taichi's car had always smelled of recklessness and happiness. It had remained cluttered most of the time, and when it wasn't, there was always _something_ wrong with it. 

Hikari fidgeted and glanced at the radio. There was soft music playing, a piano perhaps. Hikari had never been good with music, but she was fairly certain that it was a piano. The song ended, and a news program came on, broadcasting the weekly highlights. She couldn't bring herself to listen, but she couldn't ignore it, either. It was all meaningless to her. A small boy had fallen off of his bedroom balcony. An elderly woman had been mugged, but was going to live after the attack. And the final bit of news, it was only a brief mention. The fire that had claimed the lives of four in an apartment complex had been "solved." The cause had been faulty wiring in a set of Christmas lights in one of the victim's home. 

Hikari leaned forward and turned the switch on the radio. The noise stopped. It was rather rude, she supposed, but she didn't really care. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned back into the seat, "It took them four damned weeks to figure that out." 

Jyou wanted to keep his eyes on the road, but spared a glance in her direction. "How are things at your grandmother's?" 

Hikari shrugged, although she knew that he couldn't see it. They pulled off of the main road and through the open gates of the cemetery. He drove a short distance and then stopped the car. "She didn't want me to come back for Christmas, said she was worried about me." 

Jyou unlocked the automatic car doors, and took the keys out of the ignition. "Do you want me to come with you?" 

Hikari shook her head and stepped out of the car. Jyou reached into the backseat and grabbed one of the two sets of flowers. She carefully shut the door, not wanting to damage his shiny, new, black sports car. Jyou put the keys back into the ignition and watched as she walked away. 

It wasn't too far from the car to Takeru's grave. She sat down in front of the headstone and set the flowers next to the stone. She forced herself not to cry as she brushed her fingers along his name. "Merry Christmas, Takeru." She wiped a tear away before it ever had a chance to fall, then stood and turned away from the grave. 

She walked back to Jyou's car and opened the door. She brushed the stray dirt away from her jacket before she sat on the seat. He started the car, and the soft piano music was back. She didn't say anything, just took the other set of flowers onto her lap and buckled the seatbelt. He drove her to the other side of the cemetery, and parked his car again. She opened her door and stood, almost banging her head against the roof of the car. She looked up to the sky, then held her coat closer to her body. She turned to Jyou, "Thanks for bringing me here." She pulled her coat even closer, "I'll be right back." 

Jyou turned his car off to wait. He nodded sadly and watched her again as she walked to yet another grave. 

It took a little longer for Hikari to reach Taichi's grave. When she found it, she didn't sit down. She tried not to look at the freshly turned grass, nor to the wilted flowers that covered a large portion of the dirt. She stood in front of the grave and read the name aloud, "Yagami Taichi." She set her small bundle of poinsettias on the grave and stood back. _Takeru's,_ she thought to herself. _Takeru's was like this at first, but... As the time went on, the grass came back and the flowers went away, and it wasn't such a fresh stab in my heart._

She brushed aside a small arrangement of silk flowers and brushed her hand along the strokes in his name. The tears started to fall from her eyes. She pulled her coat closer around her body, then moved away from the grave. "Merry Christmas, big brother..." 

Somewhere in the silence, Hikari thought that she heard "Silent Night" playing on the wind as it began to snow. 

*********** 

owari 


End file.
